


Blind but free

by AnOddSock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Feelings Realization, Innuendo, M/M, Pining, Soulless Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29487732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnOddSock/pseuds/AnOddSock
Summary: Sam might not be able to feel much, butsomethingdefinitely stirs when Cas talks to himlike that.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 12
Kudos: 43
Collections: SPNColdestHits





	Blind but free

**Author's Note:**

> What if the first time Sam realised he felt something towards Cas was when he had no soul to make him second guess himself?
> 
> [Title taken from lyrics in the song 'Worship Me' by Laura Marling, which seems highly appropriate here]

It was a bit of a long shot, but Sam was well equipped for taking things the extra mile. With no soul there were no qualms, no second guessing. Nothing to get in his way or cloud his judgement, his inner compass pointed at his own true north at all times.

It was all clean as a whistle in his mind and all he had to do now, was blow.

“Castiel, we need you. It’s important.”

Praying felt weird without a soul, hoping for something without the means for hope to really bloom. A candle with no flame and no way to light it. And what moth would come fluttering by for a candle without a light? He just had to find a way to make this particular little moth turn up. He needed some extra incentive.

He shrugged off the itchy irritation and pulled out his wild card. A lie was sometimes all it took... “Cas, we found something. It’s this gold box. Apparently Nazis were after it back in the day, someone opened it and their face melted off. I think it’s – ready for this – the Ark of the Covenant. Yeah. So…”

The flutter of wings was silent, but he’d been drawn in by the small flickering lie. “I’m here, Sam. Where is the box?”

Sam smirked, amused at his own cleverness. “I can’t believe you fell for that. That was the plot of Raiders, idiot.”

“I’m mid-battle, Sam.”

As if that was supposed to matter when he had concerns of his own? “I could give a rat’s ass about your little pissing match with Raphael.”

“Listen to me, Sam –” 

Cas was clearly annoyed, and Sam could tell he only had half Cas’s attention which was entirely unacceptable. Sam deserved more, he deserved to have the thing he wanted, he would get the thing he wanted, that’s what he did now. Nothing stood in his way anymore, not feelings, not those pesky morals, nothing.

“No, you listen! I don’t care what you’re dealing with up in Heaven. You owe me.” He stepped closer, raised his voice. He could command anyone just as well as Cas did.

“You may not care, but believe me–”

“I’m sorry, do you think we’re here to talk this out?” Did Cas think anything was more important than being here with him?

“Sam, I can’t just –”

He _wouldn’t_ , that was the crux of it. Sam needed to take a more… virulent approach. “If you don’t help us, I will hunt you down and kill you.”

Cas’s demeanour changed in an instant. It was like looking into the eye of a hurricane that was focused solely, completely, on Sam and Sam alone. If he’d had a soul it might have shrunk back from the force of it. If he’d had any emotion at all he might have quailed at the way Cas stood there, threw his shoulders back and looked anything but human. The angel, peeking out of the man. Lightning in a bottle, about to break free.

“Will you, boy? How?”

The world… paused. _Sam_ paused. Every nerve ending inside him stood to attention, present and... erect? Was this turning him on? Would this have aroused him when he had his soul? Maybe, but perhaps he was too soaked in shame and false piety back then to notice.

It made him want to laugh, and he artfully turned it into a sneer. It made him feel alive to have such a challenge on his hands. “I don’t know yet. But I will look until I find out, and I don’t sleep.”

With anyone else that line would have had many implications. Would have sounded like an invitation and a promise, as well as a threat. _I don’t sleep, so we have time for so much more. I don’t sleep, so come to bed with me._

With Cas of course, it entirely missed the mark.

“You need help, Sam.”

He needed a lot of things, help was just first on the list.

“I need your help.”

He wanted this now, and only this, everything else be damned. Cas certainly did have a way about him. Maybe he’d get something else blown by the end of this, a little something to whet his appetite and clean out the pipes. It would serve to take away the distraction of being suddenly aroused and having more than just his "inner compass" pointing north.

It might be crass, but, well, he had no soul so what could people expect from him? Cas had been lit like a fuse too, all fiery and eager and willing to step into Sam’s space. With no messy emotions in the way, both of them were free to explore each other as much as they wanted, right?

He’d think of some way to make it work, to sell the idea. He wondered distantly if he’d still feel this way once he had a soul. It sounded nice in a quaint sort of way, the idea of wanting Cas in more than one dimension, to experience it in full colour. For the first time in a long time, he could imagine having his soul back would at least be interesting, an experiment of sorts, provided he remembered how he pulsed with desire now.

Like planting the seed of hope, and waiting to see if it would bloom come spring.

**Author's Note:**

> So it may have turned out more horny than feelsy but my point still stands, I think this is a great time for some kind of realisation to happen
> 
> Written for [For this challenge](https://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/639400427233935360/february-2021-prompt-shipping-forecast-posting)


End file.
